Madame Web is by far the most baffling movie I have ever seen. Every aspect of the movie defies comprehension. The dialogue is robotic and unintentionally hilarious, the cinematography is nauseating, and the story is insanely bland. It has officially dethroned The Exorcist Believer as the worst movie I have ever seen.

Madame Web’s director S.J. Clarkson, debuts into the movie scene with this film, as she’s mostly from a background of television. The movie is written by Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless, the same people who wrote Morbius. Madame Web follows Cassandra Webb (Dakota Johnson), a paramedic in New York City.  Cassandra struggles to keep 3 strangers alive while unraveling the mystery of what happened to her mother. The main selling point of this movie is Cassandra’s future visions, which allow her to see into the future in order to change it. I’m afraid I’ve made it sound more interesting than it actually is. All it really amounts to is getting to see two mediocre fight scenes instead of just one. 

The most confusing part of this movie is the acting. All the acting in this movie is so awkward, that if you told me that this was written by A.I, I would believe you.. The character motivations for the villain, Ezikel, are baffling. When Cassandra confronts Ezikel about killing her mother, she asks him why he did it.  He responds by saying that no one cared about his family when they were starving. Why does that motivate him to steal the superpower spider?

I think the technical aspects of this movie are by far the worst part. There are constant moments where it is incredibly obvious that lines were overdubbed even when obviously did not match the actor’s lip movements. There’s a scene when Cassandra is talking to Ezekiel, where his lips completely stop moving during a conversation. The camera work is also shockingly bad, with a lot of spins and flips, leaving me sick to my stomach. 

The movie at least has some interesting ideas, none of them are executed well but at least they are interesting. For example, there’s a scene where Cassandra has to save the 3 girls while Brittany Spears’s “ Toxic” is playing over the radio. I think the idea of racing against a song to punctuate a scene is kinda neat, it’s still just sloppily executed in the film.

If you’re looking for the perfect midnight movie to tear apart with friends, I cannot recommend Madame Web enough. If you want to watch a good movie, literally watch anything else.