In my darkest nightmares I still see him, his digital scales freeze my heart and cause a cold dread to overcome me, that crocodile, that beast is a demon, Lyle has ruined my life and now I must burden thee with the knowledge I possess, only in hopes it may help those in the same position as me, I pray for your safety.

Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile is a 2023 children’s film directed by Josh Gordon and Will Speck. The film’s tendrils have seeped into the minds of thousands of people on Tik Tok, Twitter, and Youtube, all of them commenting on the torture that is this film. Going straight to streaming already isn’t a good sign, but it gets worse.

The film’s main character is a singing, computer-generated crocodile abomination. Its horrifying movements are agonizing to observe, I cannot forget what this film has done to me, I only write this in hopes that you won’t befall the same fate I have, I beg of thee, do not watch this piece of “entertainment.”

When watching the film, one central question arises, why is the demon creature voiced by Canadian sweetheart, singer, and songwriter, Shawn Mendes? Why must they bring innocent people into this horrid piece of witchcraft? They shouldn’t be allowed to show this to our children, we as a people must rise up to fight this horror. Prepare the militia, we must do battle.

The mortal actors, or at least those who appear as human are emotionally flat, they seem like they don’t care, either that or they are being threatened to continue production, from the script to the audio mixing, no one cared about this movie.

The script is one of the most painfully generic things I have ever watched, it’s about a singing crocodile who loves sports. Why must the gods punish me like this? Have the witches hexed me?

“Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile” is possibly the most horrible tapestry ever produced by “humanity,” though I still have my suspicions about the “human” aspect. We must burn the heathens that created this evil, in hopes that they won’t infect our minds any longer, I wish you luck my friends. Prepare for battle.